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As president of the Atlanta Gay & Lesbian Chamber of Commerce, Carla Corley advises corporations on how to create welcoming environments for GLBT employees. Yet straight employees often need help, too. They may want to support their gay colleagues, but without cues and input from them, they are afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing. Gay and lesbian workers mistake that silence as rejection. The result: A workplace on eggshells.
GLBT employees can help their straight colleagues in a number of ways to create a more supportive workplace for all.
Don’t Conceal Your Personal Life
One of the most important ways to make your workplace more comfortable for both GLBT and straight colleagues is to put a picture of your partner on your desk. “So many times, straight people say ‘I wasn’t sure you had someone,’” Corley says. “Seeing a photo gives them permission to talk.”
Similarly, she says, if coworkers discuss their personal lives, you can talk about your own. It does not have to be heavy-handed. “People catch on if you consistently mention the same name.”
Robin Denise Johnson, faculty director of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Leadership Institute at UCLA’s Anderson School of Management, realizes that not everyone cares about colleagues’ lives. “If a coworker doesn’t ask, they may just be a private person,” she says. “Don’t push them. But if you’re uncomfortable by the silence, it’s OK to say, ‘I’d like to talk about my partner when I’m here at work.’ The key is to do it from your perspective. Don’t put them on the defensive.”
Build Trust
Work is “a place where everyone needs to meet everyone else on common ground,” Johnson says, and trust is an important element of that meeting. “When someone withholds information, it’s hard to trust them. People assume the worst. So if everyone else is talking about their vacation and the sex of the person they went with, and you (are overtly vague), people know something is not on the up-and-up. Even if you’re out, they assume you don’t trust them. Gay people need to disclose information naturally. Trust follows, and then comes ease.”
Corley adds that trust can be built in many ways. “You can put together a happy hour. Lots of important conversations take place outside of work, around nonwork stuff,” she says.
To garner the trust and support of straight colleagues, become allies for other groups. “Speak up and advocate for their causes,” advises Johnson. “If you only talk about LGBT issues, people will see you as self-serving. But if you’re inclusive, they’ll feel you support their issues -- and then they’ll support yours.”
Corley suggests: “If you see someone you think can become a straight ally or advocate, invite them to a meeting of your company diversity group. You can even take them to a GLBT event in town. Of course, then be sure to advocate for their cause.”
Another way of building comfort levels is to emphasize shared interests -- for example, your dedication to your company and tea, or to core values and common experiences. In informal conversations, “talk about your commitment to your family and friends,” says Johnson. “Use the same frameworks and terms as your straight colleagues.”
Deal with Awkwardness
People occasionally say and do awkward things. In that case, a direct approach is needed. Even so, “give them the benefit of the doubt,” suggests Johnson. “Assume they didn’t intend to do something wrong. Don’t make them feel they have to watch everything from then on. Instead, educate them. Say something like, ‘You probably thought that was funny, but it really doesn’t apply to a lot of people.’”
Education -- and making colleagues feel comfortable -- can take subtler forms. “Perhaps you’ve had it with a colleague who always says ‘homosexual’ instead of ‘gay,’” Corley says. “Depending on your personality, you can joke about it. You can start using the word ‘heterosexual’ all the time. Then, in a nice way, let them know the words you prefer.”
Whatever you do, “don’t make it emotional,” says Corley. “Don’t force anything on anyone. Passion is fine, but passion is different from emotion. Respect people’s space and opinions, especially in the workplace. Don’t overreact to everything you hear.”
That way, you’ll work in a comfortable environment -- not one covered with eggshells.
